Our Lips Are Sealed (2000)
Lets crush some diet cokes on our heads.
Alright, we’re all friends here, so you know what I’m about to do… First, I’m going to give you the 411 on an Olsen Twins movie we rewatched for the latest episode of the pod (the film in question being Our Lips Are Sealed, in case the title of this post didn’t give it away). Then, I’m going to discuss one aspect of the movie I can’t stop thinking about (or one we didn’t have enough time to cover).
Here’s the 411
Montage count: 9
Titanic references: 2, one of which is purely visual.
Love Triangles: 0
Last week, I wrote about motherhood, specifically the sitcom wife/mother trope that was slightly set ablaze in Switching Goals (1999). While the mom in Our Lips Are Sealed (2000) is a departure from the sitcom wife/mother trope (she smokes multiple times on camera, has a gossip habit, and embraces shark casserole with a gusto I find completely disturbing), that’s not the focus for today.
The basic premise of Our Lips Are Sealed is that the Parker twins, Abby (Ashley Olsen) and Maddie (Mary-Kate Olsen), are witnesses to the robbery of the Kneel Diamond (get it? I’m pretty sure that joke flew over my head when I first saw this as a teen) and are put in the witness protection program (headed by the FBI instead of the US Marshalls for some obscure reason) until they can catch the head of the Hatchoo (bless you!) crime family. The only problem? The Parker twins have a tiny habit of blabbing. And so, they are relocated to what seems to be every county in the continental United States, only to get to the final frontier in witness relocation: Australia (yeah, that didn’t make sense to me either, but let’s just go with it).
As their last hope, Maddie and Abby know that have to make their journey down under work. And (spoiler alert) they kind of do. There are adventures in a closed theme park, yacht parties, gaining over the cool crowd by crushing cans on their heads, a moment where the twins give business advice to the lowest members of the Hatchoo (bless you!) crime family, sharks with a hunger for footwear, Willie Garson as an FBI agent (he laments he should have gone into ladies’ shoes - I agree), a surf-war (or beach-off, if you subscribe to Barbie’s America), thwarted escape via boomerang, and a lot of dancing. Simply put, it was a hell of a time.
Individualists and Nerds: A Romance for the Ages
But within this romp of a movie, there is a quieter romance that I feel had the capacity to go the distance (no offense to Pete and Avery, Maddie and Abby’s love interests in this film). Let us dive into the story within the story, if you will, of Sheila (Nina Schultz) and Leonard (Chris Stapley). We meet Sheila on Abby and Maddie’s first day of school in Sydney. Trying to fit in and not raise any flags, the twins are wearing outfits that, should someone point a gun to my head and demand I say something nice, can only be described as Crocodile Dundee chic.
Sheila’s opening line is as follows: G'day mates! Welcome to steak and kidney. What's with the barrow daggy duds? You suppose gone tropi?
Through the wonders of movie magic, we learn that what Sheila said is Australian slang for: Welcome to Sidney. What's with those embarrassing ugly clothes? Are you Yanks out of your minds?
What an entrance. Iconic. No notes.
Anyway, we learn that Sheila, much like our titular twins, is a bit of a blabbermouth (erm, I mean… she’s a social scientist relaying the findings of her studies). Through her, we learn that she and her friends (The Individualists, which are girls who are all named or nicknamed Sheila) aren’t quite part of the popular crowd, but even then they shouldn’t be seen cavorting with nerds (or it will hurt their cred).
At the beach, Sheila reveals that she and Leonard (one of the nerds) are more than friends, but she doesn’t want anyone to know because she fears the social repercussions. Once Abby and Maddie infiltrate the cool crowd (helmed by Victoria [Jade Bronneberg], a Posh-spice lookalike whose dad owns a yacht), there is a pivotal scene that showcases the twins’ blabbermouth tendencies when Victoria sees Sheila and Leonard interacting and says “I can't believe Sheila's really friends with that guy!” Ever lacking impulse control (as most teens would, I suppose) Abby repays Sheila’s friendliness by spilling her secret romance with Leonard as a response.
You can tell that this morsel of hot goss* is what energizes Victoria. I swear I could see her gain more power with this piece of information that puts Sheila at a social disadvantage.
*Note: please don’t tell me if this is not a saying anymore, I cannot take any more slang casualties at my age.
Learning that Abby shared her confidential information with the most popular girl in school is a devastating blow to Sheila, who placed her trust in the wrong person (been there a couple of times, regretfully). Sheila runs away because the popular crowd then starts making kissy faces at Sheila and Leonard, humiliating the pair. Due to the nature of the movie not being centered around Sheila and Leonard (the absolute audacity!), we don’t know exactly how they managed to navigate this low point in their relationship, but all we know is that by the end of the movie, Sheila and Leonard are out and proud about their cross-social romance, and stronger for it.
Share Your Thoughts & Feelings
Have you watched Our Lips Are Sealed? If you did, when was the first time you watched it? Do you have any moments that stood out to you? I’d love to know.
Sound off in the comments below or send us an email at gummypod@gmail.com.